Spears Brown acknowledges that all situations are different, but overall, “All of this is about parents — in the context of multiracial kids — recognizing that their kids may have experiences that are very different than their own.”
We also spoke with Mark and Kelley Kenney, who are both counselors teaching and working in academic settings. They co-authored the book Counseling Multiracial Families and led the writing of Competencies for Counseling the Multiracial Population.
“It’s kind of interesting to me that, on some level, things have shifted,” Kelley Kenney said, when thinking back on their years of studying the topic. “But, you know, we’re still dealing with the same inherent issue of racism and bias and lack of understanding. … I’m hoping that we’re moving forward in at least starting to dialogue more about it.”
Kelley Kenney said talking about race within family is not just a singular event. “It’s not just a one time conversation, but it’s very, very, very much a part of the whole family dynamic.”
Know Your History and Take Time to Educate Yourself
“In cases where the relationship involves a white partner for whom this is perhaps their first interactions … dealing with issues of slavery, it is important to spend some time being honest with folks and really talking about what that all means in terms of how they want to proceed in a relationship and a family and all of those things.” — Mark Kenney, counselor
Don’t Be Scared to Talk About Race
“The big one is to not be scared of the topic or to think that you’re introducing a concept of race to a child who has no concept of race. The reality is, kids know and think about race very early in infancy. They start by three, four, five. They’re noticing it. Thinking about it. And so parents can’t shy away from those conversations. Parents can feel uncomfortable, particularly if parents are in a different racial group than the kid is.” — Christia Spears Brown, developmental psychologist
Talk With Your Partner
“Partners need to talk among themselves about race and racism and what their experiences have been, and what they want their relationship to be, what they want their family to be. It’s sort of about some racial socialization, if you will, between partners themselves before they even start to talk about, what it is to talk about these things in a family context.
“Also making sure that the family dynamic includes openness and honesty. Also including expectations for extended family, in terms of addressing issues of race and racism.” — Kelley Kenney, counselor
Talk About Your Child’s Identity Positively
“Talking about the positive parts of culture, kind of thinking about all the great ways your culture has contributed to society, kind of cultural pride. … We know a positive view of ethnic identity is really protective in the face of discrimination. That helps buffer all sorts of negative aspects of society. You really have to be very proud of your culture and your ethnicity.” — Christia Spears Brown, developmental psychologist
Discuss Stereotypes and Difference
“How can you as parents help protect kids from those experiences? And the answer is, it’s somewhat counterintuitive. It’s not shielding them from that part of their ethnicity. It’s really leaning in to that part of their ethnicity because leaning into it is what’s protective.” — Christia Spears Brown, developmental psychologist
Take a Proactive Stance — Don’t Assume Your Child Is Immune
“First of all, it begins with the parents having a conversation, again, with themselves about how they want to raise their children. With respect to discussions of race and racism, et cetera. And then talking about their socialization practices, that should include how they instill a sense of cultural and racial pride, how they prepare children to deal with racial bias, how they talk about issues of white privilege in the home. Again, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of being proactive versus reactive.” — Mark Kenney, counselor
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